It has been

far too long.

Almost a year to the day.
WOW.
Busy??  Sometimes, but not always.  I always want to blog--seems like I have plenty to say, but then something shiny flutters by and my stream of consciousness is interrupted.  Then the blogging doesn't happen.
Meh, whatevs.

A move is on the horizon, I can't believe it.  I  know it happens to a bajillion military families but I just always felt like we were going to be here and everyone else was going to move.  Dumb, right??  It's a weird feeling.  Knowing we will move, that this house we have come to love so much, will not be our home much longer.  Cray.  Suurrssslly.
I started college. AT. 32.
That deserves two "crays'.  Cray. Cray.  To say its a learning experience is A GROSS UNDERSTATEMENT.  But its good.  I should go.  I mean I want to look back and say "Yeah, I did that."  Some days I am owning school, other days, school is owning me.  

Great things are on the horizon.  I can't wait to officially share them.  It's too soon to share just yet (and no I am NOT pregnant, that ship sailed months ago), but soon I can share.

Stay up playa.

Things I never thought I would say

"...stop showing me your hiney, pull your pants up and go finish your broccoli..."

"You put that WHERE??  WHY??..."

(Trust me you don't want to know the where and the why was not a valid reason either..)

"...we don't go potty on that...that's what toilets are for..."

"...babies don't eat Legos...why...because they aren't food, that's why..."  "Oh you ate one before...greeaatt"

"It was a small Monopoly piece you swallowed right?? I'm sure it will pass through your system..."

"Nooo you call me mom, not Miss Lacy...I'm your mother.."

"I'm sure she doesn't ACTUALLY eat ants...the school has a cafeteria after all.."

"Let me smell it...I'll tell you if it's clean..enough.."

Things they don't tell you when you are holding that new cute, small bundle of awesome in the hospital bed.

The struggle is real.

This is actual life.  Things I've really said.  

Sheesh.

And my kids have a proclivity to put things in their mouths...or take their clothes off.  

That's from their fathers side.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But they are joy.  And laughter.  And awesome.  All rolled into a tiny human.  And I've got 4.  

Mom to 4 pseudo-weirdos--I'm out.

But why...

Oh why is there always laundry??

This beast is all clean.  All. CLEAN.

Why do we wear so many pieces of clothing?

And it's been on the floor of my living room for days....

To no avail.

This is parenthood reality folks, it's large and in charge.

And clean.

And only 482,274,381,902 articles of clothing deep.

Geez, bring on the wine, or Thin Mints.

Or both.

If you never hear from me again, I am under this monster and I've died because the idea of folding one more piece of clothing has overwhelmed my existence.

Bleh, double Bleh.

Now excuse me while I swan dive into this mass of cotton/poly blends and rectify all the empty dresser drawers and closets.

Things that are lame

#1-insomnia.

Dear sleep,

Miss you.

Need you.

Please come back and see me, my personal army is running me into the ground and I fear that the threat of mutiny is a real one.  Like something out of Animal Farm--or so it feels like.

No but seriously, it's sort of like an Animal Farm around here lately.  Mud, food, slop, poop.

Same same, right??

Jet Pilot come home.

I am losing the tenuous hold at the helm of this thang we call our household.

Seriously sleep....come back.  Maybe just for a 6 hour stretch??  PULEASE.

That's all.

**big yawn**

Lace out.

My super wise wisdom stuff

That moment when you see something or someone from a waaayyy long ago past and you think….man, I am so glad I am not there anymore.
That just happened.
And for a long time I was sad or felt like I was missing out…I wasn't.
Always feeling like a "have not" and wanting to be a "have".

Then it hit me….what I have is awesome.
The family I have is awesome.
And the people who are dense enough to be my friends and put up with my incessant crying and emotions and twisted sense of humor, they are amazing.
I am a have.

I am so lucky.

And its funny, how I definitely don't want what I think I did.
I want the littles in my house to be kind and smart and gracious and level headed.
I want my Jet Pilot to learn and fly and learn more and defend and patriot-ize our lives.
I want to see the husband of my best friend come home from a long deployment and watch them run to each other and kiss and fall in love all over again in the span of .00056 seconds.
I want to plank til I faint.
I want healthy babies for the friends I know who are expecting.
I want love, and a lot of laughter.  All. The. Time.

I want late night talks and wine and giggling with my sister in law who makes me feel young again, even though I think I mostly look like an old maid. (Thanks for that, four small people whom I grew from scratch)

I want to dance to Pandora when no one is watching.  Or when everyone is watching.
Value what you have people, life is too short.


To that part of me that thought I was a have not--sister, you were so wrong.

I am a have.
In the best kind of way.
 

Sweetest things

The saying goes that with age comes wisdom. 

I feel like sometimes parenting is measured in increments of time as well.

First child.

Second child.

And if you are ambitious and not a quitter like myself...

Third child.

And finally fourth child.

I remember glimpses or flashes from my mothering as a first time parent.  

I couldn't wait for my oldest to roll over, crawl, sit up, talk, learn geometry, blah, blah, blah.  

I measured my success as her mother by the speed at which she reached her milestones.  

And I pushed her to meet them.

Now here I sit, a decade later with 4 kids and a bit more experience under my parental belt and let me tell you the game is real different on this side of the stadium.

I always compare first time parenting to puberty or junior high school--it was a good enough time going through it but you never want to do it again.

(If you don't feel like that...then well, you are awesome and I am whack.  😁)

I am better at being someone's mom the second, third and fourth time around I think.  I pushed and prodded and agonized over everything my oldest did.  Just to make sure she was tracking like all the "other" kiddos her age who's parents I knew.  

Or read about in all those parenting books.

I pushed so much I think that sometimes I didn't get to truly cherish the joy that CAME from those experiences.  

Now I am able to be a little more chill, I appreciate the teeny baby smiles and smells and toddling chunky legs.  The giggles and baby snuggles, letting me kiss their head just cuz I wanna.  I am no longer in a rush for the babies to roll over, crawl, talk, read, join a sports team, blah blah--those days will come.

All too soon, they will come.  

So now when you see me at the park or grocery store or gym or Target and my kids are losing their ever loving minds by crying, pooping, nursing, whining or chatting their face off-  it's ok, I'm ok.

I'm soaking up the experience that is my little people army.

And to all the first time parents out there-enjoy the ride.  And know I will welcome you with open arms to the "2nd time around" rodeo when the time comes.

It's nice here.

We are pretty mellow.  

We have coffee at Starbucks with other seasoned moms and let our kids act cray sometimes just cuz they wanna.  

It's strangely liberating.

Life is good. 

Biiiiii.

Heeeyyyyy

So-I've been MIA.

Things happened.  Life happened.  No excuses--just life.

Had a teeny baby 6 weeks early.  She had an extended stay in the hospital.

It was a nightmare.  I was stressed.  but she is better now and home.  

And so dang cute.

Like REALLY cute and petite and beautiful like a baby girl should be.

Her hair is light.  (Well light for my bloodline...)

She is my favorite littlest person.

My better half came home.  It was so epic and awesome and romantic and everything I ever thought it would be.  

Life is a new kind of normal around here.  There is a lot of life being lived in my crib.

It's loud.

And kinda cray.

But it's ours.

The oldest kid loves her littlest brother, she caves to his whims and comforts him all the time.  He cries for her most often because she indulges his moods and sad faces.  

The oldest son dotes on the tiny baby.  He's gentle in a way that you don't see often from him--it melts my heart.  

Lets see...what else...

Potty trained the baby dude, went on mini vacay, started school, boarded the Paleo train (again, sigh.), swim team, and now fall sports for the older two kids.  It's been a crazy 6 months since I've last blogged but I pinky promise that I will do this more frequently.

I miss it.  

I miss ya'll!

WE MADE IT.

Officially.  Unofficially.
We made it to the halfway point in our deployment.   I say "OUR" like I am the one forwarded deployed to the Middle East to drive big jets.
Whatever.
You get the gist.

Finally.
Halfway.
And not to sound cliché but it seems like it went by fast.
However if you ask some of my closest and best friends--they will probably tell you I moped for entirely too long, looked like crap and ate fast food way too often.
Guilty as charged.  Did that.  Owned it.  Cried A LOT of tears.  Its basically...how I roll.

I guess in hindsight it sounds like it went by fast.  I think it also helps that I am feeling AND looking WAY pregnant which to me is a better marker of the time because I know that the husband will be returning around the same time the baby is set to be arriving.

We are hopeful he will be home before the baby comes but you know how that goes--the military does things in their own time and I respect that.  Kind of.
Well, maybe not respect but I have been on the other side of the coin so I can relate.  Kind of.

EITHER WAY--WE ARE HALFWAY.

I miss my husband.  He's kind of a fly guy.  Like cool, fly--not fly fly..well that kind too but you know what I mean.  Our home is definitely different without him around.  I am different.  I cry a lot.  And I pray a lot.
But there is sunshine on the horizon.

In other news, kids are great, growing and eating and growing and then eating some more.  Its so "mind bottling" to think that we will be growing this clan by +1.  Another baby.  I do love babies.  They always feel and smell great.  I wanna snuggle babies so hard.  Always.  Its like a secret addiction.
5 year old boys on the other hand--they have a musk all their own and truly its one only a mother could love- sometimes.
I would love to stay and blab more about the eleventy bajillion things that have happened since I last blogged but since 2nd trimester hit I have turned into PeePee McGee and have a bladder the size of a Lego piece.  Plus-- my sink looks like a standard scene from Hoarders with the major dish pile up.  Its like dirty dishes fornicate and birth in my sink over the span of .0068 minutes.
Sad face.
And since I haven't had the good luck to meet my fairy godmothers with the magic brooms that do dishes-responsibility falls on this guy. (Points thumbs at self)

So I guess I'm out this piece.  Like a BOSS.  Who's husband has hit the halfway point of deployment.
BOOM.
That just happened.

#EPICMOMFAIL

Do you ever plan something out...imagine how epic its going to be and how happy your family is going to be as result--only to have it go down in flames and NOT AT ALL what you thought.

Yeah, thats been me the past two weekends.  Had great plans for me and the kids only for one of them to ruin the entire evolution with their misbehavings.  SEVERE. MISBEHAVINGS.
Totally stinks.
And, to add insult to injury--I have family in town.  So they probably think I am a horrible mother who always loses her mind on her kids and acts like a tempermental butt head with them.

I'm not.
I swear I'm not.
I do love my kids and I am mostly patient with them all the time.  But sometimes they have this way of getting under my skin and I completely fly off the handle and lose it.

#EMBARASSING.

I feel like this means that I need to look inward and turn to my faith and the Word to get through this.  And I should.
But honestly, that seems like soo much work right now.  I know, I know.  Saying that out loud makes me a terrible person.  But I am a bit tired, stressed, its the holidays, I miss my husband and I am growing a baby from scratch.

Not an excuse.  Believe me I know.  I see these other moms who also have spouses who are deployed and they seem no where near as lunatic-ish as me on a day to day basis.  Whats their coping mechanism?  Whats their story?  What am I doing wrong?
Who knows.

Done with the rant.  And the whining.  Going to indulge in McD's and feel better.

Bones to pick...

Dear Hot Wheels Corporation,
If you were a person I would punch you in the face. Thanks to your flimsy and semi idiotic double sided tape the wall anchor for our wall tracks super awesome, life changing, had to have set fell off the wall sometime in the 6 hours I was out of the house today. Then, after corralling my clan to bedtime, I went like a total spaz to check on them again and make sure everyone was still breathing.
They were.
So I ever so NOT GINGERLY step on a DUMB WALL ANCHOR AND NEARLY BREAK MY NECK IN MY HALLWAY on the way back to my bedroom.
My wide foot and heavy ehh uhhhmm broke the wall anchor into pieces and I proceeded to say a slew of words that were conduct unbecoming a mom of 3.5 children.

So in closing Hot Wheels, get your self together and put some stronger tape in your wall tracks packaging.

Your truly,
The somewhat oblivious to random hallway debris, temper tantrum throwing lady with a permanent wall anchor indenture on the bottom of her right foot. Kaythanksbye.

.

Remember that

Moment when you actually realized your kids are growing up and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

And you want them to be little again so you can just have all that time back...
Yeah that's where I'm at.
He's been doing this to her since he was 2 years old.
He just loves her.
Like a lot.
Like A LOT.
And she is so patient with him.

Much better older sister than I was at her age.
I was the variety of cruel older sibling who read aloud from the R.L. Stine books just to creep out my younger siblings.

Yeah, I know--mean and twisted. I see that now.

And she's not that way with him at all. It's soo inspiring.

Good night my sweet little loves.

How do I love thee...

Insomnia strikes again. Being pregnant rocks. Because I am not running a race in the morning and I don't have a 5 year old that needs to be at a soccer game shortly after sunrise.
Sigh.
It's okay, sleep is overrated.

Since I am awake, here is a cute picture of my baby snapped while his mother was making him put on the Halloween wigs while in Target today. Or yesterday. Whatever. Blogging at 3am is very confusing.
Either way, here he is.

So cute I could kiss his face off.
Oh wait, I do when no one is looking :)

That's my boy

Tonight my biggest dude prayed our nightly family prayer. The first thing he prayed
"Please keep all the people in VFA-41 safe and happy and healthy..."

He went on to specifically ask for the safety and happy heart for our dad In VFA-41. So sweet.

Just when I think nothing is getting through and his whole mission in life is to disobey and be loud--he comes through for me. That there is a kindness in his heart for others. He let's me know that something IS getting through his thick skull, in a good way.

Thank you Jesus. Because more often than not, I am questioning how many times a day I will repeat the same phrase to him before my head explodes.

Thank you oldest son, for renewing my faith that all my praying and mentoring and attempts to be patient are not in vain. You are a sweet boy with a good soul--and I needed to be reminded of that today. Love you.

Up to just a little bit...

Of indoor weed whacking with a crazy purple feather hat on...NBD.

Who is this guy? He's a silly goose. All the time. And I love him.

#stayfly

I feel like some people wake up and just look cool. And some people don't.
I am one of those that looks like the creature from the bottom of the swamp when they open their too small, crooked eyelids.

My kids however, are the opposite. It seems from the moment they wake up they are leaking #kidswag from their pores.

Must be nice. I work VERY HARD at attempting to look normal ;) and feel like I barely make the cut.

Example--this was early morning post run to the gym waiting for our stroller fitness class look my baby was rocking.

I'm jealous. Seriously.

Winning...

I wanna talk about that.
Boom.
Awesomeness.

I married that face under the helmet in the front seat.
And it has been an epic fairy tale we have written for ourselves.

His coolness makes me jealous. Seriously.
Granted it takes a supreme amount of work to do his job, it's all totally worth it when you see a snapshot like that.

I'm just saying.

That's the sum of my post--husband rocks. I love him. Husband rocks more.

Honey, if for some reason you can read this on the ship--you absolutely frackin' rock.
Period.
And I love you. We all love you.

Boo Boo Packs and Babies

The babiest Dill had a run in today. With his sippy cup. It didn't end well for one of the parties involved.


I walk into the living room from the kitchen and all I see is blood and tears. Sigh. Naturally he WOULD NOT calm down and each time I tried to put the ice pack on his lip he would flip his lid. LOUD.

Less than ideal relaxing Saturday. But it's ok--our baby is now officially inducted into the Dill kids smash face hall of fame.

These are the moments that I miss the Jet Pilot, he handles these kid's blood situations infinitely better than I do .

But we muscled through it. So I will toast to that.

But still....
Sippy Cup-1
Baby Dill-0

Sometimes there are shoes I just can't fill...

Reality check.
By a five year old.
Tonight after our family prayer and nightly iPad video song from dad (that Jet Pilot made before he left) the biggest little dude was pretty shaken up and a bit weepy from the emotional turmoil of having a dad absent for what is really going to be a long @$$ time.  Sorry I don't mean to curse--but I don't know any other way to describe it.  As we walked to his room and I tucked him in I told him not to cry that we would see dad's face again and we would be able to Face Time or Skype or something soon.  We just needed to be patient and stay busy.  He looked up at me with very skeptical tear filled eyes and blurted out:

"I know its just that dad has a lot of good games on his phone and you don't have any good ones on yours and it just stinks!"

I almost started to laugh then I realized he was being serious and it hit me.  Like a truck.
Despite all I try to do and the various ways I attempt to keep their little minds busy-sometimes its just not enough. Sometimes they just need dad.  Period.

And, sometimes there are things that I will never be able to do as "good as dad".
And THAT does stink.
Like NAS Lemoore dairy farms stink. (If you're local--you get the reference.  If you're not, consider yourself lucky.)

Sigh.  Talk about a heavy heart.
And to think, I didn't think I wasn't handling things all that well before--I am definitely feeling like a #failmom now.

Please excuse me now, I am off to bury my head in my book "Faith Deployed" and hope that I can find some strength and insight to do this military wife/mom thang better.

Then I am going to log onto iTunes and download $100 in amazingly fun games and apps with 5 star reviews.

Because hopefully-- a weak imitation of something supremely awesome is better than nothing right?

Pink Panthers

G-O LET'S GO, GO TEAM GO.

I'm a cheer coach.
Again.
Didn't volunteer this time. Got yoked into because my daughter's coach quit last minute because she had a job. Lame excuse, believe me I know.

And she didn't bother to tell anyone she quit.
Just stopped showing up to practice and games.

So apparently, before she quit she volunteered me as a back up and I didn't want to let the girls down so I said yes.
They are a sweet group of little gals and they love all things cheery and girly and pink and cheery.
However, being mom to three with another growing from scratch--I am a bit tired and run down by the time practice and game day come around.
But I'm making it work.

We have one game left and I am trying to just muscle my way thru it so that this whole shenanigan of an evolution will eventually be a story I tell.

I feel like this is one of those character building times in my motherhood/deployment cycle. To see how determined or stubborn I am to stick things through and make ish happen.

Well, joke's on you life--because I've got cheerleader slash cheer coach on lock. Period. Dot.

El Dizzle out this piece.

Good Morning Dad!!

Today we had the great and unexpected pleasure of talking to Jet Pilot before our school day actually started.
It was fan-friggin-tastic.
I forgot how much I like his voice.
And his face.
And his personality.
It's funny how the subconscious handles separation. Or depressing, depending on your outlook. :/

Phone calls like this one make living this lifestyle a teensy bit easier to handle. Plus it was a great way to head into our weekend!

Hang in there love, we miss you bunches and bunches but we will talk again soon!!!