Sweetest things

The saying goes that with age comes wisdom. 

I feel like sometimes parenting is measured in increments of time as well.

First child.

Second child.

And if you are ambitious and not a quitter like myself...

Third child.

And finally fourth child.

I remember glimpses or flashes from my mothering as a first time parent.  

I couldn't wait for my oldest to roll over, crawl, sit up, talk, learn geometry, blah, blah, blah.  

I measured my success as her mother by the speed at which she reached her milestones.  

And I pushed her to meet them.

Now here I sit, a decade later with 4 kids and a bit more experience under my parental belt and let me tell you the game is real different on this side of the stadium.

I always compare first time parenting to puberty or junior high school--it was a good enough time going through it but you never want to do it again.

(If you don't feel like that...then well, you are awesome and I am whack.  😁)

I am better at being someone's mom the second, third and fourth time around I think.  I pushed and prodded and agonized over everything my oldest did.  Just to make sure she was tracking like all the "other" kiddos her age who's parents I knew.  

Or read about in all those parenting books.

I pushed so much I think that sometimes I didn't get to truly cherish the joy that CAME from those experiences.  

Now I am able to be a little more chill, I appreciate the teeny baby smiles and smells and toddling chunky legs.  The giggles and baby snuggles, letting me kiss their head just cuz I wanna.  I am no longer in a rush for the babies to roll over, crawl, talk, read, join a sports team, blah blah--those days will come.

All too soon, they will come.  

So now when you see me at the park or grocery store or gym or Target and my kids are losing their ever loving minds by crying, pooping, nursing, whining or chatting their face off-  it's ok, I'm ok.

I'm soaking up the experience that is my little people army.

And to all the first time parents out there-enjoy the ride.  And know I will welcome you with open arms to the "2nd time around" rodeo when the time comes.

It's nice here.

We are pretty mellow.  

We have coffee at Starbucks with other seasoned moms and let our kids act cray sometimes just cuz they wanna.  

It's strangely liberating.

Life is good. 

Biiiiii.

Heeeyyyyy

So-I've been MIA.

Things happened.  Life happened.  No excuses--just life.

Had a teeny baby 6 weeks early.  She had an extended stay in the hospital.

It was a nightmare.  I was stressed.  but she is better now and home.  

And so dang cute.

Like REALLY cute and petite and beautiful like a baby girl should be.

Her hair is light.  (Well light for my bloodline...)

She is my favorite littlest person.

My better half came home.  It was so epic and awesome and romantic and everything I ever thought it would be.  

Life is a new kind of normal around here.  There is a lot of life being lived in my crib.

It's loud.

And kinda cray.

But it's ours.

The oldest kid loves her littlest brother, she caves to his whims and comforts him all the time.  He cries for her most often because she indulges his moods and sad faces.  

The oldest son dotes on the tiny baby.  He's gentle in a way that you don't see often from him--it melts my heart.  

Lets see...what else...

Potty trained the baby dude, went on mini vacay, started school, boarded the Paleo train (again, sigh.), swim team, and now fall sports for the older two kids.  It's been a crazy 6 months since I've last blogged but I pinky promise that I will do this more frequently.

I miss it.  

I miss ya'll!

WE MADE IT.

Officially.  Unofficially.
We made it to the halfway point in our deployment.   I say "OUR" like I am the one forwarded deployed to the Middle East to drive big jets.
Whatever.
You get the gist.

Finally.
Halfway.
And not to sound cliché but it seems like it went by fast.
However if you ask some of my closest and best friends--they will probably tell you I moped for entirely too long, looked like crap and ate fast food way too often.
Guilty as charged.  Did that.  Owned it.  Cried A LOT of tears.  Its basically...how I roll.

I guess in hindsight it sounds like it went by fast.  I think it also helps that I am feeling AND looking WAY pregnant which to me is a better marker of the time because I know that the husband will be returning around the same time the baby is set to be arriving.

We are hopeful he will be home before the baby comes but you know how that goes--the military does things in their own time and I respect that.  Kind of.
Well, maybe not respect but I have been on the other side of the coin so I can relate.  Kind of.

EITHER WAY--WE ARE HALFWAY.

I miss my husband.  He's kind of a fly guy.  Like cool, fly--not fly fly..well that kind too but you know what I mean.  Our home is definitely different without him around.  I am different.  I cry a lot.  And I pray a lot.
But there is sunshine on the horizon.

In other news, kids are great, growing and eating and growing and then eating some more.  Its so "mind bottling" to think that we will be growing this clan by +1.  Another baby.  I do love babies.  They always feel and smell great.  I wanna snuggle babies so hard.  Always.  Its like a secret addiction.
5 year old boys on the other hand--they have a musk all their own and truly its one only a mother could love- sometimes.
I would love to stay and blab more about the eleventy bajillion things that have happened since I last blogged but since 2nd trimester hit I have turned into PeePee McGee and have a bladder the size of a Lego piece.  Plus-- my sink looks like a standard scene from Hoarders with the major dish pile up.  Its like dirty dishes fornicate and birth in my sink over the span of .0068 minutes.
Sad face.
And since I haven't had the good luck to meet my fairy godmothers with the magic brooms that do dishes-responsibility falls on this guy. (Points thumbs at self)

So I guess I'm out this piece.  Like a BOSS.  Who's husband has hit the halfway point of deployment.
BOOM.
That just happened.

#EPICMOMFAIL

Do you ever plan something out...imagine how epic its going to be and how happy your family is going to be as result--only to have it go down in flames and NOT AT ALL what you thought.

Yeah, thats been me the past two weekends.  Had great plans for me and the kids only for one of them to ruin the entire evolution with their misbehavings.  SEVERE. MISBEHAVINGS.
Totally stinks.
And, to add insult to injury--I have family in town.  So they probably think I am a horrible mother who always loses her mind on her kids and acts like a tempermental butt head with them.

I'm not.
I swear I'm not.
I do love my kids and I am mostly patient with them all the time.  But sometimes they have this way of getting under my skin and I completely fly off the handle and lose it.

#EMBARASSING.

I feel like this means that I need to look inward and turn to my faith and the Word to get through this.  And I should.
But honestly, that seems like soo much work right now.  I know, I know.  Saying that out loud makes me a terrible person.  But I am a bit tired, stressed, its the holidays, I miss my husband and I am growing a baby from scratch.

Not an excuse.  Believe me I know.  I see these other moms who also have spouses who are deployed and they seem no where near as lunatic-ish as me on a day to day basis.  Whats their coping mechanism?  Whats their story?  What am I doing wrong?
Who knows.

Done with the rant.  And the whining.  Going to indulge in McD's and feel better.

Bones to pick...

Dear Hot Wheels Corporation,
If you were a person I would punch you in the face. Thanks to your flimsy and semi idiotic double sided tape the wall anchor for our wall tracks super awesome, life changing, had to have set fell off the wall sometime in the 6 hours I was out of the house today. Then, after corralling my clan to bedtime, I went like a total spaz to check on them again and make sure everyone was still breathing.
They were.
So I ever so NOT GINGERLY step on a DUMB WALL ANCHOR AND NEARLY BREAK MY NECK IN MY HALLWAY on the way back to my bedroom.
My wide foot and heavy ehh uhhhmm broke the wall anchor into pieces and I proceeded to say a slew of words that were conduct unbecoming a mom of 3.5 children.

So in closing Hot Wheels, get your self together and put some stronger tape in your wall tracks packaging.

Your truly,
The somewhat oblivious to random hallway debris, temper tantrum throwing lady with a permanent wall anchor indenture on the bottom of her right foot. Kaythanksbye.

.

Remember that

Moment when you actually realized your kids are growing up and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.

And you want them to be little again so you can just have all that time back...
Yeah that's where I'm at.
He's been doing this to her since he was 2 years old.
He just loves her.
Like a lot.
Like A LOT.
And she is so patient with him.

Much better older sister than I was at her age.
I was the variety of cruel older sibling who read aloud from the R.L. Stine books just to creep out my younger siblings.

Yeah, I know--mean and twisted. I see that now.

And she's not that way with him at all. It's soo inspiring.

Good night my sweet little loves.

How do I love thee...

Insomnia strikes again. Being pregnant rocks. Because I am not running a race in the morning and I don't have a 5 year old that needs to be at a soccer game shortly after sunrise.
Sigh.
It's okay, sleep is overrated.

Since I am awake, here is a cute picture of my baby snapped while his mother was making him put on the Halloween wigs while in Target today. Or yesterday. Whatever. Blogging at 3am is very confusing.
Either way, here he is.

So cute I could kiss his face off.
Oh wait, I do when no one is looking :)