Things I never thought I would say

"...stop showing me your hiney, pull your pants up and go finish your broccoli..."

"You put that WHERE??  WHY??..."

(Trust me you don't want to know the where and the why was not a valid reason either..)

"...we don't go potty on that...that's what toilets are for..."

"...babies don't eat Legos...why...because they aren't food, that's why..."  "Oh you ate one before...greeaatt"

"It was a small Monopoly piece you swallowed right?? I'm sure it will pass through your system..."

"Nooo you call me mom, not Miss Lacy...I'm your mother.."

"I'm sure she doesn't ACTUALLY eat ants...the school has a cafeteria after all.."

"Let me smell it...I'll tell you if it's clean..enough.."

Things they don't tell you when you are holding that new cute, small bundle of awesome in the hospital bed.

The struggle is real.

This is actual life.  Things I've really said.  

Sheesh.

And my kids have a proclivity to put things in their mouths...or take their clothes off.  

That's from their fathers side.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But they are joy.  And laughter.  And awesome.  All rolled into a tiny human.  And I've got 4.  

Mom to 4 pseudo-weirdos--I'm out.

But why...

Oh why is there always laundry??

This beast is all clean.  All. CLEAN.

Why do we wear so many pieces of clothing?

And it's been on the floor of my living room for days....

To no avail.

This is parenthood reality folks, it's large and in charge.

And clean.

And only 482,274,381,902 articles of clothing deep.

Geez, bring on the wine, or Thin Mints.

Or both.

If you never hear from me again, I am under this monster and I've died because the idea of folding one more piece of clothing has overwhelmed my existence.

Bleh, double Bleh.

Now excuse me while I swan dive into this mass of cotton/poly blends and rectify all the empty dresser drawers and closets.