I was talking to a good friend a few nights ago on yahoo messenger (yay Jenn!!) and naturally being the Chats McGee that I am I starting spouting off about being a military wife and SAHM and how different our lives can be from non-military wives and I got to thinking....we ARE different. Not bad different and not necessarily good different...just different. For example Daddum is gone for work right now and he will be back next week and I am not really bothered by it; am I going to miss him-sure, am I am going to dread getting Bonnie ready for school at oh dark thirty everyday for week-you bet, does the thought of his det being delayed a week for random Navy reasons make a frustrated-somewhat.... but I am glad that Daddum does what he does for us everyday...you bet your mama's good china I do.
Having been in the Navy for a few years I feel like I am blessed enough to truly understand exactly what the Navy needs from Daddum are at a moment's notice. I don't get as mad as some other wives I know about military obligations, I get it...my husband belongs to the Navy first and our family after. It doesn't make me upset, and Daddum does such an excellent job making non-Navy time extraordinary for all of us that it has never been an issue, but it takes work-alot of it and dedication and love and grace from God and from each other. And I can say without a doubt one hundred percent we CHERISH that time together.
Now I am not trying to sound like a tough, g-money wife because that's not it at all...I am a crybaby sissy just like the rest of them sometimes- I think its natural and inherent to want to cry when they leave even if it is only for a few days, weeks whatever. There is ALWAYS that thought in the back far recesses of my brain that something could happen. Its the nature of the job, just look at Fort Hood, USS Cole, etc...I could list all day. Does it ever get easier to be a military wife and handle all the random, incessant, annoying, heartbreaking responsibilities? No I don't think so, I think you just get used to it, and you accept the void that's there when they are gone and try to keep moving along and making them proud of you on your home front until they get back.
When Daddum was in Florida for a year by himself I used to think.....now if he were here right now would he be okay with me doing this, or would this be the best decision for our family in his eyes. Most times honestly back then I didn't care, I felt like I was in survival mode and I had to do what I had to do to get by..in hindsight that was not the right response (for me). I should have given more and strived to give 100% all the time, I don't get that time back-but I have learned from that experience...this is my one shot running this show-aim high. This is my new mantra and in conjunction with my new mantra I have drawn on my most recent life experiences-the passing of Robert and Greg. I love them both and miss them sooo much and I am lifted up by the idea of them looking down on my lil family and smiling. I want to do them justice by my family, our time together was so brief but wonderful. And they gave it all-all the time.
Life is soo short...I don't think we all realize it and the idea of not doing everything in our power to live our days to the fullest and enrich our lives and the lives of our children/spouses just does not sit well with me anymore. This realization has pushed me to new limits and allowed me to strive for more. This has made me a better Christian, mother, wife and friend. So if I accomplish nothing else in this life I am glad that I was able to see the writing on the wall. In the words of Bonnie in the throws of a tantrum "...my life is changing..." here's praying that I can roll (and EXCEL) with it!!!