Well we made it alive to California. It was a mostly uneventful trip, although I had a moment or two where I questioned why I insist on driving ACROSS THE COUNTRY-again. The state looks the same, smells the same. The kids were great, they did an excellent job traveling and staying occupied-it was me that got more restless as the states flew by. Figures right??
But we are here now-it's been about 7 years since I was here last for an extended amount of time and honestly when Jet Pilot and I went into Target to just browse child free I was completely overwhelmed by:
A. The sheer number of people, B. The items they felt appropriate to wear out in public, and
C. The speed in which they felt they needed to buy and indulge in EVERYTHING in the store.
Also I would like to point out that there is a HUGE CALIFORNIA epidemic in which nobody I saw today had a full length mirror in their homes in which to view their outfits length and/or level of modesty.
Now I am not a prude or anything but I am a firm believer in a certain level of appropriateness for people-especially females. It took me almost 30 years to realize that LESS IN NOT
MORE, and that flaunting massive amounts of skin doesn't make you cute. However I don't think many people here in CA abide by that rule-but that's their prerogative...I will learn to live with it....or I will stay home all the time in the confines (read=SAFETY) of my house. And I don't wanna indulge in stuff anymore...I coupon so I get tons of stuff I would never buy on a day to day basis...and I give away a fair share of that stuff. I don't need the "things" anymore to make me complete--I am trying to do more with less. (if it were my way it would be A LOT LESS but Jet Pilot is sentimental--about everything). We are a work in progress.
I am glad to see my family again though. It's nice to giggle about this or that and just talk face to face again.
But I am nervous too. I became the best wife and mother I've ever been while living 8291 miles away from CA, now that I am back I don't want to lose myself or regress from all the progress I have made. It's a vicious trap I feel like...
So I prayed about it real quick in the car while on the way here. Then again while Jet Pilot drove us home from Target.
Then just again now as I am typing this post.
This incessant worrying is not me, and being worried means I am clinging to control and not letting God lead me where He thinks I need to be. Vicious cycle much?
Jet Pilot assures me that I will not lose myself or change, he says I am too smart and self aware for that, yet sometimes I think he overestimates my capabilities-actually a lot of the time I think that. Lol. True love is great- I love its blind faith.
This post was supposed to be about out arrival in CA and in a roundabout sort of way I guess it is-but I think it's mostly about me being vulnerable and cautious about the new life change we as a family are about to undertake and my quest to make this pasture the greenest one for my family. I'd say wish me luck but I don't need luck...I have faith and love. And that overcomes all.