Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Sometimes there are shoes I just can't fill...

Reality check.
By a five year old.
Tonight after our family prayer and nightly iPad video song from dad (that Jet Pilot made before he left) the biggest little dude was pretty shaken up and a bit weepy from the emotional turmoil of having a dad absent for what is really going to be a long @$$ time.  Sorry I don't mean to curse--but I don't know any other way to describe it.  As we walked to his room and I tucked him in I told him not to cry that we would see dad's face again and we would be able to Face Time or Skype or something soon.  We just needed to be patient and stay busy.  He looked up at me with very skeptical tear filled eyes and blurted out:

"I know its just that dad has a lot of good games on his phone and you don't have any good ones on yours and it just stinks!"

I almost started to laugh then I realized he was being serious and it hit me.  Like a truck.
Despite all I try to do and the various ways I attempt to keep their little minds busy-sometimes its just not enough. Sometimes they just need dad.  Period.

And, sometimes there are things that I will never be able to do as "good as dad".
And THAT does stink.
Like NAS Lemoore dairy farms stink. (If you're local--you get the reference.  If you're not, consider yourself lucky.)

Sigh.  Talk about a heavy heart.
And to think, I didn't think I wasn't handling things all that well before--I am definitely feeling like a #failmom now.

Please excuse me now, I am off to bury my head in my book "Faith Deployed" and hope that I can find some strength and insight to do this military wife/mom thang better.

Then I am going to log onto iTunes and download $100 in amazingly fun games and apps with 5 star reviews.

Because hopefully-- a weak imitation of something supremely awesome is better than nothing right?


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I heart this.